Meditative moments come to me quite randomly even though I struggle to quiet the clamor in my brain most of the time. Recently, one came unbidden why waiting inside my car in the carwash. I contemplated the passage of time, how taking care of things that take care of us matters and why growing old does not mandate growing irrelevant. Each car I have owned has been about a discrete phase of my life - there was the starry eyed newly-wed car that was a gift from my ex-husband. I had no specific affinity for this car, did not feel any pride or joy of ownership but valued the freedom it afforded me. All of that was true of my marriage as well. There was a car that served most of J's growing up years and then the one I have now that came at a cusp of change - a second lease of life, J growing up and then leaving to college and now and an empty nest. Once the car was washed and dried, it was time to leave. It made me think about the parallel to my life today. There is no new and shiny, or relentless daily strife to overcome. Life could be old, weary and if unattended even dusty. But with a little effort, it could still sparkle, inspire and bring satisfaction.
I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha...
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