Skip to main content

Tender Bar

Watching The Tender Bar was the uplifting experience I needed after a hard week. My problems faded away as I got immersed into the story. The character of Uncle Charlie was my favorite. It takes one person like that in a child's life to make a real difference. He is able to pull the main weight of the void in JR's life so the surrounding cast of characters can do their part to move this kid's life in a positive direction. Without Uncle Charlie things would quickly fall apart. Yet he carries his significant responsibility and influence on JR's life with a deft, light touch.

And that makes all the difference - his words of wisdom have staying power, he is able to navigate his nephew with an ease that parents would find enviable. The forces of adversity shaped the literary talents of this writer. A normal, suburban family upbringing would unlikely be able to produce the same outcomes. The grandfather was an interesting character too - depicted as not being generous with his love. So while he provides what he can to his family including two adult kids who seem to drift through life, he is not there emotionally. It is as if the kids are waiting for their quota of love, care and affection from their father to gather the strength to strike out on their own. 

The family configuration in the movie brought to mind one that I know well. The two children on in her late 40s and the other in his early 50s live in their childhood home with their old parents, playing out the rites of childhood and young adulthood ad-infinitium. The father now in his 80s was a provider but emotionally frozen to his offspring. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...

Carefree Wandering

There are these lines in Paul Cohelo's Alchemist that I love about the shepherd turning a year later to sell wool and being unsure if he would meet the girl there But in his heart he knew that it did matter. And he knew that shepherds, like seamen and like traveling salesmen, always found a town where there was someone who could make them forget the joys of carefree wandering. What is true of the the power of love and making a person want to settle is also true of  finding purpose in life. If and when a person is able to connect their work to purpose they care about, the desire for change disappears. They are able to instead channel that energy into enhancing the quality of the work they are already doing. As I write this, I remember S a brand manager I used to know a couple of decades ago. He worked for a company that made products for senior citizens, I was a consultant there. S was responsible for creating awareness of their new products and building awareness of what already ex...