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Not Parenting

Some good observations in this story about being child-free or child-less not being nearly as bad as society would have one believe. It is a combination of factors that determine the level of happiness of a parent - did they have the support they needed to enjoy the baby years of their children, did they have strong parental desire to begin with, did they have enough agency to shape the course of their children's future and did the children grow up to the self-assured adults who successfully found their way in the world. There is a time for a family unit to include children and a time for freedom for the parents that comes in the wake of an empty nest. When a person becomes a parent, they lose several degrees of freedom so to score well on all the factors that will ultimately decide whether or not parenthood was a thing that brought happiness and contentment varies a great deal. 

So it is no surprise that some folks without children who had a lot more control over their destiny will come out feeling their lives are happier - specially if they had no parental desire or for other reasons made a conscious decision not to have children. It helps if they have a hobbies and passions that take time and attention - which they have way more abundantly than their peers who have parental responsibilities. The one-size fits all narrative on the value of parenthood is flawed and misguided. It only ends up becoming a trap for those who become parents against their better instincts out of fear they might regret their non-conformist decision when it is too late to course correct. 

I have long held that people without a burning desire to parent, who are willing and able to give up a lot of things in order to raise children without feeling bitter about it - should not go down this difficult path. They will end up unhappy and disillusioned because no matter how hard you try your children will never be the replica of your dreams. This has to be labor of love and passion for which you have no expectations other than a deep sense of gratitude that you had a chance to experience unconditional love. 

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