Old Ties

Seeing my best friend from college after four years was bitter-sweet. The physical decline was hard to see. This is someone who had lived independently her whole post-college life, away from parents with no partner or kids to be accountable to. With that comes a certain level of laxity in pace. Beyond her work responsibilities there was not much she needed to show up for and certainly not expected to take charge and lead from the front. That has now come to pass with two ailing parents who can no longer support themselves. They as a family unit have regressed to the time when she was a child living with parents except that she is now their primary care-giver.

They are not able to treat her like the middle-aged woman she is, someone with a life and history much to complex for them to understand. The level of communication was never great and now it is a complete breakdown. The stress of living in these circumstances has manifested itself in her declining physical health and a sense of resignation towards whatever the environment throws at her. As always she wants to give me little gifts that remind her of long ago relatively uncomplicated times of college. Truth be told those were not the best years of our lives but everything is about context. 

She needs a rescue and has a few good friends including myself who can help. We are all reaching out and offering our hands so she can latch on and climb out of the deep, intractable mess she is in. None of us can wade into that pool with her.