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Crystal Ball

Over the holidays, one of my friends had her college-going son decide that he needed a break from family. He came home for the holidays, spent most of his time alone or with friends and a few days before the new year simply left home to be with his best friend. He stepped out for a walk to "clear his head" and a few hours later was in a different town. My friend D, dealt with the event as stoically as a parent can under the circumstances. Gave him time and space to gather his thoughts, did not push and prod for information or actions - just let him work it out. 

New Year's eve was hard - nothing had been heard from the kid not even a new year's wish. Silence reigned in the days to follow. D steeled her heart as that is probably the best way for her to deal with this. She tells me that she will not expend any further energy on him - there is nothing left for her to give him. She has depleted every resource she ever had to give this child a head-start in his life. Some people cannot be saved and that needs to be accepted - is what D says as she tries to cope. 

This situation brought to mind my own conflicts with parents albeit at a much older age for presumably reasons that go beyond a moody teen tantrum. Notwithstanding, real pain was caused to those who gave birth to me. There is no suffering quite as potent as that caused by a child's actions directed towards their parent. I am close to D's age and I feel her pain as a mother - it is not so hard to empathize. This could have all happened to me. 

That was simply not the case when I was the cause like her son is to her. I remember the feelings of righteous outrage that made me behave the way I did. I also remembered the years it took to make amends and how the pain boomeranged at me. All of that is in store for this clueless kid who will likely endure much worse than me given how young he is and how much hurt he is causing to the parent who loves him more than anything in the world. Sadly, no one can hold up a crystal ball to this child right now and show him what awaits him. He has to learn it all the hard way. For D's sake I hope that is sooner than later. 

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