Between my yard and the neighbor's there is a rather dense tree line and then a narrow creek. The trees are yet to green but there is a big clump of Narcissus is in full bloom somewhere between the creek and the trees. Every time I look out the back porch, my eyes are immediately drawn to them. The flowers are lovely and are a delight to see but they make me think of death and flowers by a grave.
Some years ago, I visited the grave of a child one of my close friends had lost their oldest close to two decades ago. We spent time cleaning the headstone and the earth around it, working together but in silence. Then we drove to the nearest Home Depot to look for perennial flowers that would bloom there even if no one was able to visit.
As I recall they were some kind of lily and in full bloom at the time we planted them. We left the place looking brighter and well-cared for. My friend used to say there were no more tears left to cry but the pain remained forever. I stood there in silence by this parent whose loss I could not even begin to comprehend- it felt disrespectful to say anything. On our way to the airport, normal conversation resumed - it was not awkward but there was a certain cloud over the day. Maybe that was the day, I first connected lilies to paying homage to those we have loved and lost.
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