The aftermath of S's visit lasted a while in how many ways I felt pressure-tested. We have more in common than I would like to admit. S said during dinner the first night of his stay, that his daughter was the product of three generations of broken families where the parents of the child had little love and warmth in their marriage if the union lasted at all. I would say the same is true in a sense of J. My grandparents on both sides were in what would be called unhappy marriages in current parlance. Back in their time, in the aftermath of partition survival was the bigger more pressing concern - the lack of love in marriage was not something anyone had time to mull over.
Both grandmothers became widows by the time I was in my teens. Sometimes they talked about their discontent in their marriages and how they accepted it as an unchangeable fact of life. It seemed like in their old age when they no had responsibilities left for anyone, both women reminisced about the wasteland that defined their marriages while seeking to find some memories they could hold dear. My parents had the kind of marriage I wanted to avoid at any cost - it made me dread the institution greatly. My own track record has been chaotic and difficult. In that sense J is also the product of three generations of loveless unions. It was an off the cuff remark S made in the context of how miraculous it was that his daughter had found love - though it was not clear if she actually had or it was his perception that she had.
Whichever the case, there is indeed an element of miraculous for one such as J or this young lady to break the bad pattern. As parents it is what we dearly wish for them. In that S and I are exactly the same. We want to see every sign as one that proves our children have achieved such miracle and the reached the end of multi-generational tunnel of darkness. The comment also made me question what other kinds of brokenness we pass on because of where people like us come from. If maybe S is broken in ways that I am not but seeing him triggers me because I see parts of what I least like about myself reflected in him.
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