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Pain's Passing

I watched The Son the same evening as my friend B put her old arthritic dog down - and that was only one of his many ailments. He was old and in a lot of pain as a family they decided it was the right choice. I checked in on her and she shared pictures of him from happier times - they were trying to relive the good memories. In the movie, this son is a teenager who experiences a lot of pain over his parents' divorce and personalizes the hurt his mother feels over being left for a younger woman. The whole movie is about this kid's pain that he cannot rationalize but it has him paralyzed. He drags everyone around him down and feels both guilty and redundant. Guilt is a multi-generational theme. Grandfather, father and son all feel guilt for different reasons. There is no happy ending to the movie - the pain ends for the son, The pain ended for B's dog who was no less than a family member to her. 

He kept her company through the years, could tell when she was having a hard day and had a favorite TV show. B will be an empty nester this fall and the the void will feel bigger with this loss. The events of the day and the movie got me thinking about what it means to love someone who is in so much pain that they cannot live anymore. The thing that it takes for the loved one's pain to end is also what condemns those that are left behind to deal with feelings of guilt and inadequacy - like the father in the movie. Was he wrong to want out of a marriage he was unhappy in, did he have a right to want a child with the woman he now loved, was he wrong to push his son to get a grip on himself and not wallow in depression and self-pity. It could be argued he was wrong on every count and deserved the ultimate punishment. He can also be looked as a flawed human being who did the best he could and that proved not nearly enough. 

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