As someone who has very few friends but ones that go back a very long way, I could relate to this essay about the importance and priority of close friendships and how they might outflank the significant other in some ways. My two closest friends have known me my entire adult life if not longer. They get me in a way later arrivals in my life simply cannot. They have seen me in raw, unshaped, unbaked form and been through the processes that got me from that point to here.
There is nothing about me that they don't understand and there is nothing I could do that they would find unexpected. The partners in our life typically come later and for those of us who had more than their fair share of misfortune even more so. They are destined to remain at disadvantage compared to those who have been there the whole time.
In the past few decades, Americans have broadened their image of what constitutes a legitimate romantic relationship: Courthouses now issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, Americans are getting married later in life than ever before, and more and more young adults are opting to share a home rather than a marriage license with a partner. Despite these transformations, what hasn’t shifted much is the expectation that a monogamous romantic relationship is the planet around which all other relationships should orbit.
Maybe the better model is not to have a specific center of the universe but be able to meander in and out of many orbits. If there was more idealization of balance in a person's life - have a well-balanced life be viewed as the pinnacle to strive for, the world would be better for it. Having friends, family, professional and personal work as different areas to strive to harmonize, balance and enrich is a better ideal.
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