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Energy Source

I am in New York for a few days. The Uber driver is newly-arrived from Bangladesh and he senses a certain Bangla vibe about me. He wants to strike a conversation but I am too pre-occupied to engage. Even though I feel mildly guilty about it - the guy is not much older than J and looks quite homesick, we ride in silence for almost an hour. It is early on a Saturday morning but the traffic is still not easy. Each time I am here, I want to reach out and find that magic of the first time. I remember seeing the iconic Manhattan skyline with my brand new to America eyes. It has never been the same since the towers fell. And the magic has retreated in degrees over time. Back in my childhood I had once read a quote that New York City is like a beautiful lady smoking a cigar. Upon first seeing the city, I tried to interpret what that may have meant and realized that the viewer's state of mind has the answer to that question. This trip, I spent a good amount of time in the subways - a place where the magic is least apparent. 

The hotel was full of summertime tourists - their bags filling up the lobby. It is quicker to climb eights flights of stairs than take the elevator. Through everything is the moist heat that sits in place. I get bit by mosquitoes while in a coffee shop. Things don't work - doors, knobs, handles, faucets and so on. You need to look beyond those things, focus on what matters. When I was younger and newer to the country, it was so easy for me to zone into the "what matters" - that the manic energy of New York - the thing to soak in and charge your batteries with. It was for ideas and inspiration. You were meant to return to where you came from covered with the city's pixie dust. I struggle to find it now - the city has been forever changing so its not about the city. So it must be about me. What does it say about a person who can no longer tap into energy?

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