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Low Battery

My father is recovering from a sudden bout of illness that left feeling less confident about himself. That sudden loss of control followed by hospitalization for several days, no clear prognosis for why he experienced the symptoms he did. I imagine that coming to terms with his age and frailty is as hard for him as it is to me to accept that. When I left home he was still in his prime or it felt that way to me. He could do any amount of physical work, stay focused on a problem for hours and days. It was as if he was incapable for fatigue. Going back to my earliest memories of my father that is the mental image - he was a workhorse and he was not one to quit until the job was done. 

He is one of the most tenacious people I know and I feel a sense of pride when I see a bit of that grit in me. As that energy dims away, I feel like the source from what I have always drawn even without realizing it is ebbing away. Every time I call to check on him, I try to cycle some of that unstoppable energy back to him. I never had what he did but I learned to emulate well enough. It makes me happy to see some of that spark return even if for a short while. Like a worn out battery, it takes longer to charge and more frequent charges. Recently I have been thinking about when I will refer to him in the past tense and each time I pray that he has charge left in him to the very end to be loud, obstinate and unwilling to believe he can no longer do things. 

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