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No Haven

In a Slack community I am part of, a woman reported that she was commuting to her office by bus and when she was getting off at her stop a man slapped her butt in full view of other passengers. Some looked up from their phones to see the incident and others did not but no one said or did anything about it. While a lot of folks who read her message expressed their sympathies for her, outrage on her behalf it was one guy's response that really got me thinking. He said if he been there, he too would have not intervened because that could likely cause the situation to escalate, the offender could have been carrying a gun - this incident happened in a state where concealed carry is permitted by law. He said while its awful and unfair to the woman, it is the reality. 

No one had any concrete solutions except that she should report the incident to HR at her workplace and ask for accommodations. I highly doubt anything useful would come out of that. This whole exchange between this woman and the rest of the group nagged me for a few days and I had a chance to run it by my friend A. He is older than me and has a daughter who is probably this woman's age. I asked A what he thinks of the whole business as a father of a young woman and if he had been there on that bus - would he also do what the other men had done - nothing? 

A said, the reality is the guy who slapped the woman's butt will likely not go to jail for assault and battery even if the incident was reported to police. However, if another man stepped in and say slapped the guy on his face for harassing the woman and the fight escalated, that would be basis for jail time does not matter he was such a knight in shining armor defending the honor of a woman he did not even know. And this is not even counting the very real possibility that they guy may pull out his gun and start shooting. So every fellow passenger needs to weigh the consequences of expressing their righteous indignation before they make any moves. In this case the only rational move was to do nothing. 

A is an old friend, a great dad and someone who has done a lot of genuine good for others in his life. Hearing him say what he did, got me particularly dejected - such is the effect of a strong, unpleasantly dose of bitter reality. J is young woman herself spending a lot of time in public transport each day and has developed a full set of defenses to stay safe. I have traveled with her a couple of times when visiting her and observed how hard she tries to be completely invisible in crowds - that is the only hope a woman has of making it safe. It was also how my process for staying safe while traveling alone in India back in my time. 

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