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Cutting Ties

My cousin M and I are about three years apart with M being younger. From childhood into the years before we got married, we got along well but our mothers didn't. Over time, their conflict bled into our relationship in ways M can't seem to shake off. Anytime I reach out to her, I hear the warmth in her voice, a hint of nostalgia for childhood long past and generally goodwill towards me. Yet, she cannot cross the chasm to be friends with as two women our age could be. She had a a tough time balancing her higher education, career, marriage and kids in America and finally started to coast in her thirties. Her twenties like mine were the lost decade - just that our reasons and outcomes were different but that was lost time all the same. 

Coming out the other side around the same time as she did, I looked around to see who else was around from times past that I could reconnect with. She was not ready yet so I gave her more time and yet more time. Recently, I was passing by her town and texted her to see if she would like to meet. It turned out that she is out of town that weekend I was going to be there - unfortunate timing and coincidence. We chatted some about kids and such and then there was usual silence. I decided to try a bit harder than usual and invited her and family over for a weekend a few months out. 

It was my hope that she would either politely decline (citing any number of commitments that are very much possible for a person with two high school kids to have) or suggest we come over instead on a weekend that they were free since we have no kids to manage here. Sadly neither happened - she did not reply at all. This may have been one of those lines which once crossed is hard to rebound from. If I had left good enough alone, we might have had a way to exchange pleasantries occasionally. 

Now that I have thrown the gauntlet at her (or at least that is what she perceived my invite to be) there is no safe way to back out. She clearly does not want to come out here with her family (which I was reasonably sure to be the case but thought to test my hypothesis anyway), she did not think it right to politely decline after right after saying sorry bad timing I won't be in town that weekend you are coming. I have to ask myself if extremely tenuous relationships like this one are worth the effort to preserve based on ties of blood, faded childhood memories and such and yet this whole episode did make me feel rather sad.

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