Watched Selfie Mummy Googl Daddy recently and found it quite interesting and thought-provoking. When I was raising J as a single mother, my parents often spent several months from summer through fall with us. That was their opportunity to observe me in my maternal role and not surprisingly, I felt judged. They often told me that I was too engrossed online and not fully engaged with the family - specially pointing to missing out on time with J, this was a particularly sore point for me and produced guilt. In my defense, I was using the fact of their presence to carve a bit time for myself - I wanted to feel like a person whose entire existence was not defined by the fact of motherhood. I was so worn out mentally from doing it all that I was too quick to check out for a bit of space if I could. Every parent has their reason to be less present than they need or want to be in their children's life. Outside looking in, its easy to be judgmental.
But thanks to my parents calling attention to this issue repeatedly, I learned to be more mindful of what I was doing and more importantly that J might perceive my escape to my personal space as a woman who had an identity besides being a mother. Because of how I was "escaping" J would perceive it as an escape from her and nothing could be further from the truth. I just needed to recharge my batteries and had very few options in the day - I wanted more than anything to do the best for her. The parents in the movie behaved in ways that could be viewed as unsuitable for those who have children to raise. These are also very different times than two decades ago when I was the mother of a young child - I did not have to curate my social life to picture perfection. I also did not work a job that was particularly demanding of my time or attention. Most importantly, I was the product of my own upbringing and life experiences and no two parents can be alike.
I just felt that I could not catch a break - it was all me or things would fall apart. That feeling wore me out over time and hence the escape. All parents have to cope with some variant of that feeling when raising young kids. The means of escape have evolved over time and we are where we are now. Generally, a good movie to watch for parents of young kids to help them understand how their actions shape the lives of those little people who are observing and emulating them even if they appear to be acting in defiance.
Comments