I met a former manager after a long time recently. Like many managers I have had in my life, T was harmless but not particularly useful. He most certainly was not a mentor to me. Twelve or so years ago, I might have had different expectations of one such as T and was likely too consumed with troubles in my own life to notice anything that did not have a "house on fire" grade impact on me. The rest was all noise that I was only too happy to ignore. I saw things in very different light this time. T had assumed that I remained where he had last found me and that the power dynamic between us stayed the same as well. I was surprised at first and then mildly amused. We had a civil and completely useless conversation about nothing.
Back when T was my boss, we had to do 1:1s once a week and the norm in the company was for the manager to take their direct to lunch and have the chat offsite. It seemed like a nice idea when I started there but good intentions don't always produce desired outcomes. I don't recall any single one of those lunches except one where we went to a restaurant that had only chicken on the menu - cooked in every unhealthy way possible. I recall feeling like a rabbit nibbling on lettuce, unable to find any form of chicken in the menu that did not totally revolt me.
T sat across from me eating a normal meal. I don't think he noticed that I had struggled long and hard with the available options - it extended from his inability or unwillingness to notice much about people he supposedly managed. We were just there, reminders of status he needed to check on, 1:1 lunches he had to schedule and so on - a lot of unrewarding chores. We were just in his way and he did his best to make it work - tolerating the burden we placed on him. Meeting T made me think about the staggering lack of good people managers in the world. A lot of people want the role to grown in their careers but have absolutely no skills to be a manager. But they exist anyway in all companies I have worked or had as clients. Folks like T actually harm the people they are meant to manage, in active and passive ways. It is one of those roles where the lack of innate talent is a true deal-breaker - you cannot coach or train people to become good managers
Sure, every manager can learn to engage a team somewhat. But without the raw, natural talent to individualize; focus on each person’s needs and strengths; boldly review their team members; rally people around a cause; and execute efficient processes, the day-to-day experience will burn out both the manager and his or her team.
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