On Thanksgiving Day this year, I reached out to thank the many friends who had welcomed J and I to their family dinner tables on this day for the many years that I was a single-mom. We became an extension of their families - aunts, uncles and cousins knew of us and expected us to be there. One person I really wanted to reach out to and could not find her phone number. A few days later, after much searching I was able to find an old email address for her which likely she no longer uses. But I had to take my chances and write to her. She used to be my boss back when I knew her.
L was working hard to save her own marriage at the time. Her husband worked five states away and they met only few times a year other than for the holidays. L relied on the support of her family to help raise her kids while he worked full-time, so it was not feasible for her to relocate to the husband's town. He had some specialized skills that made it hard for him to find work in ours. I met L's husband once at Thanksgiving dinner and the dynamic between L and him reminded me of my marriage when it was on it's last legs.
Unlike them, I did not have two school age kids and a mortgage at the time, but all decaying marriages smell about the same I think. I did not imagine their marriage would last beyond a year or two. Sadly, I was proven right. L has a different last name now, she's changed jobs a couple of times but that was the last time we met. She replied to my note almost immediately - happy to see my note and the picture of J as a child that was taken in her living room when she was about five years old.
The act of reconnecting with L helped me hold on to the good and positive from that time - which was overall hard for both of us. I got to choose the memory to connect with - it was a picture I knew she would love. It had been taken by her mother. The kids had been playing all afternoon and her kids has dressed up J and asked grandma to take the picture. J was loving all the attention. It was the culmination of a nice day with our kids having a good time together. Thanks to grandma, we could relax and not need to be in charge. It was a day I felt glad L was in our lives and we could spend such an afternoon together.
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