Every few months, M gives me an obligatory call to check on me and mine. She is a friend of my parents and I did not know her until rather recently. All our phone conversations follow the exact same pattern - she starts by complaining about her life - how she is severely overworked and can't wait to retire, followed by her upcoming travel plans and then checking on the health of every single person on my side - one at a time.
Once she is done with her wellness checks she is ready to hang up. I have to assume this pattern of engagement is not unique to me - she must do this with the anyone who is somewhat remotely connected to her, where there is not much to say and yet some time needs to be invested to keep the contact warm. The fact that we are in touch at all is to M's credit. The mechanics of the contact may be unsatisfactory but it gets the job done and does not take any effort at all. My own record of staying in touch with people I know from various phases of life is quite lackluster so I have something to learn from M.
Maybe there is something to be said for sporadic, meaningless contact just to keep the connection from entirely dying out. My concern about meaningful conversation, memorable meetings keep me from doing what M does so effortlessly and efficiently. It takes her less than fifteen minutes every three months - that is time anyone can find without it being an encumbrance.
For contrast, I am trying to get together with my friend L for dinner all last year without success because she travels for work most days of the month and has an intense social calendar on the rare occasion she is at home. Timing my outreach to exactly coincide with her free evening is close to impossible and so we are where we are. I will see L eventually at some point and we will enjoy the few hours together and promise we will be better friends to each other going forward. We have a decade long record of doing all those things with no outcomes to show for it.
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