My hotel room overlooked an apartment building. People were going about their lives. My need for privacy exceeded theirs - I was a guest in their "home". The last day of my stay, J came to visit for breakfast. I had cleared up my morning to spend time with her. Sometimes, just being in the same space talking about nothing consequential is all the heart longs for. Finding the puzzle pieces that make up your child. They are an assortment and span her life - some I know much better than others. The turn of phrase, the smile that gives way to laughter, memories, markers from her time with me and all that is new about her since then. She had a few hours before her meeting so we came back to my room after breakfast. Before I knew it, she had pulled the blanket on herself and fallen off to sleep. It was soon time for me to leave , it felt wrong to wake her up - the same peaceful face I have known since she was child. She woke up on her own, gave me a hug and went back to her nap. She had been up late the previous night and had to wake up early to meet me - the rest it seems was much needed.
There was nothing at all about that morning that could be called remarkable, I met my kid, we had breakfast and she took a nap in my room. I left, she left an hour later. We both returned to the flows of our separate lives. Yet, I know I will remember that morning for a long time to come. The mother and daughter seated next to our table at breakfast. J giving me her opinion about some changes at my work and what she thought I should do. She clarified my thinking on the subject and was able to identify options that are not worth consideration. J looking lost at the coffee bar because she wanted tea and the options were slim. There was a light breeze when I stepped outside. Every turn of the way to the train station, I felt like I saw a young woman much like J - being young, free and independent. I see my some tiny specks of my daughter in many of them and always wonder if they see random bits of their mothers in me.
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