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Pay Forward

I have known S for a while but she has never met my daughter. When S and I met a few weeks after my birthday, she asked how my day had been. I  shared with her that J had send me a beautiful floral arrangement and lunch delivered from my favorite place where she took me out on my birthday. S smiled and said that I must have been a wonderful mother. I was glad to hear her say that knowing how hard a bar that is for any woman to clear - being a wonderful mother. 

You do your very best, make a lot of mistakes along the way, stumble to recover from them and try all over again - try not to lose your sanity and self-esteem along the way. If you were to take an honest and full accounting of your performance as a mother, you might find that there were some great highlights but also significant lowlights.  In balance you were a mother who did the best she could and if the child knows and believes that to be true, chances are you have not failed them. I told S that while I have always tried my best, I am also very lucky to have a really good kid. J has always been a kind and thoughtful person  - she can make people she cares about feel loved and connected to her

As a child, on the morning of her birthday, J always woke up to a bedroom festooned with balloons and streamers. I did the decorations while she was fast asleep and quietly as I could. Seeing her radiant smile and look of complete surprise when she woke up was the best reward I could ask for. It was tradition to have cake for breakfast that morning. On a school day it was all a blur and she'd be half sleepy eating breakfast, opening her gift and wondering when her bedroom turned so festive and if she could stay up long enough next year to learn my secret. I wanted her to understand the reward of making the person you love happy. And that it is worth the effort to earn it - maybe I taught her self-altruism. This year, I got from J what I gave her as a child but done in her own way. She earned the same kind of reward that I did when she woke up on the morning of her birthdays as a child.

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