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Doing Enough

 A woman I know had a baby couple of months ago and she's allowed to from home until the child is a year old. H is extremely grateful that she has this benefit and she's also confused about how she has no desire to return to her fast track career - is that normal, is that a phase that will phase, what happens if she is different person here on out. 

She's made great strides so far and if she gets back soon enough she wouldn't miss a beat - knowing this only makes things more complicated for her. H asked me recently about what to make of all this and I struggled to give her a sensible answer. I had a very different set of life circumstances in her stage. To me it was clear beyond a shred of doubt what I should do. I never experienced a change of heart or second guessed my decision. I have known of women who start exactly at the same place as me and H but don't feel the same conviction a few months or years down the road. People are different and there is no right or wrong way.

But the question H was asking was more fundamental - she was on a career track and had made excellent progress thus far. Should she jump back in when her heart craved to be with her new baby. This is not one of those things where she can let things play out over time - she needs to decide relatively quickly. I did not have an answer to that conundrum. H mentioned that she has reached out to many mothers new and old about this.

The responses run the gamut but none have proven to be a resolution for her. It would be so wonderful if the act of giving birth were treated as a socially sanctioned professional pause not a full reset. The person could return whenever they chose and be afforded the support they needed to sprint to the point they would have been if not for motherhood. The system would need to treat becoming a mother as something to recognize and celebrate. 

Not actively penalizing women and 18 weeks of maternity leave instead of 12 does not go far enough - certainly not for most mothers. The outcome to strive for should be way more ambitious than achieving the goal of women not leaving the workforce.

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