Houdsen in his book Ten Poems to Change Your Life Again and Again says "A friend just told me that he has known for the last two weeks that he has prostate cancer. These two weeks, he said, have been the most alive in his life. Far from feeling fear or grief (perhaps these are still to come), every moment has had a clarity and sharpness he has hardly ever known. It’s as if some deeper vision has been switched on, which enables him to see with great intensity the fullness of each moment.".
This made me wonder about how culture and social conditioning play into a person's response to knowing they are dying. Not in an abstract way but more concretely because the life remaining can be counted in weeks and months only. Does it matter what others expect of the dying person - are they supposed to act fearless and ready to live what is left of their life, pretending what they know about imminent death is irrelevant. What if those close to them were inclined to feel sorry and act as it they are already dead, it just a matter of wrapping up last rites.
What might it take to have the experience Houdsen's friend had - feeling unprecedented sharpness and clarity. Further along in the book are lines from another poem that speaks to the miracle of still being alive after the beloved one has died:
… and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and
unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless: I am living, I remember you.
I see that astounded look on the face on a old man I know. He took several years to make sense of losing his wife of seventy years. Now at last he is able to marvel at the shade of a tree on a hot summer afternoon, the waves of the ocean lapping at his feet and just being able to eat a simple meal family that still remains. I am sure in those moments he remembers her.
Comments