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Being Detached

T was my boss in my second job out of college. I was as green as they come but teachable and T was unfailing patient with me. In about six months, I started being useful and reliable for the team but T continued to shepherd me along until he left to America as many did. We stayed in touch off and on over the years. As luck would have we found ourselves working in another company twenty some years later. T had been there over twelve years by then and I had started recently. I noticed that he had been at the same level the whole time and knowing his abilities he was severely underemployed. 

I asked him about that when we connected and he just smiled. I would need to attach myself to the outcomes of my job to get promoted in this company and that will come at a cost I am not willing to pay. T has two boys - one of whom is a rising star in some hot startup. The younger one, still in college, is on track to a great start as well. T tells me that he spent a ton of time with his sons when they were growing up - being a father that was physically and mentally present. His own father was an important government official in India and was largely absent in his life. He had moved through the corridors of power successfully and attained the highest office possible for someone in his line of work. By all accounts a great success. The kids had turned out well. 

According to T, it takes a tremendous amount of attachment to the outcomes a person delivers, managing the level of visibility and maneuvering around endless, non-stop obstacles to get there. Doing a good job has very little to do with it. That is not the life he wanted for himself at the cost of missing out of fatherhood. Reading this essay about the right kind of detachment reminded me of T - I think he had done it right. He had assessed correctly what it would take for him to have career growth and what he'd need to give up and he made a thoughtful choice. That in turn allowed him to do the job he loved and never worry about who was watching and recognizing his performance. 

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