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Seeking Help

When J was in college, it was hard for me to resist the urge to jump in and rescue her from her little troubles. Fortunately for both of us, she was too far away for me to actually act on such urges. I definitely recognize that feeling but if a parent actually helps every time the kid hits a speed bump, it likely won't be a good idea: 

Nicki Jenkins, president of AHEPPP, and director of parent and family engagement at the University of Kentucky, described this as a “cultural shift.” Parents are “becoming friends with their students,” she says, and are inclined to do things for them instead of teaching them how to be independent.

“So worried for my child,” a mother posted recently on another parent-support Facebook group with 24,000 members. Her kid had texted from college about a humid room, broken laundry card and other small inconveniences. 

J learned to sort things out on her own. In time, the number of issues that needed my input reduced quite dramatically. I wonder if the kids are victims of a friendless era where their best hope is their parent because they are not particularly close to anyone 

Americans have an average of four or five friends (a number that has held steady since the 70s) but now only spend three hours per week with them, compared to six hours a decade ago. In other words, the growing loneliness epidemic is not about people having fewer friends (less than four per cent of respondents reported having no friends at all), it’s more just a byproduct of “having no time” to foster deeper connections.

Post college, working and living independently as J has for a couple of years, I hear almost nothing about tactical, day to day problems where my help is sought. Youth and lack of experience bring about issues time to time but those are not crises that need to resolved right away. I do believe that not having recused her (not by my choice but due to circumstances), has been a good thing in balance.

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