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Empty Nesting

As someone who has been an empty nester for five years now, reading this story about Gen Z finding it harder than ever to leave home got me thinking about the good and bad of the situation. I have seen very little of J since she left home to college and while we call each other often enough, I do miss seeing her. Would either of us like that situation to change to where she lives in her childhood bedroom and becomes my roommate? I don't think so. 

She has grown used to having her freedom to operate as she sees fit, not having to keep me posted on her every move. No one likes to lose independence that they have earned over time and have to regress to a time when they had far lesser agency. As a mother, I have struggled to let go and this would be a huge step back for me I think. I'd find myself slipping into patterns of behavior that have produced friction between us after J became an adult. 

I lived with my parents in India even when I was working because that was the norm back then. You only left once you got married if you were a woman. A man might not leave at all and bring the wife to live with his family. I think that delayed separation hurt my ability to think and act for myself and made it impossible for my parents to have any identity of their own other than being my parents. By the time we parted ways, the habits had set in too hard for them. It did not help that they were heavily involved in caring for J during my single-mother years. We might have all fared much better if they had experienced the empty nest much earlier in their lives, had a chance to define what they wanted to do with their freedom. 

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