There is a time in a woman's life where the agonizing hour described by the narrator in story can happen. While living through that experience she feels angry at the man for making her feel so vulnerable and powerless. The most desired thing in that moment is to never ever have to experience this. That time passes and she comes into clarity. The hurt heals over and there is scar tissue where once the heart was so easy to wound. The next man when he comes along will not have this effect on her anymore.
No, no, no. I must stop. I must think about something else. This is what I'll do. I'll put the clock in the other room. Then I can't look at it. If I do have to look at it, then I'll have to walk into the bedroom, and that will be something to do. Maybe, before I look at it again, he will call me. I'll be so sweet to him, if he calls me. If he says he can't see me tonight, I'll say, "Why, that's all right, dear. Why, of course it's all right." I'll be the way I was when I first met him. Then maybe he'll like me again. I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
She will come to realize she is not crazy to have felt this way when she did. Only that it was a warning that she did not recognize - the man she was agonizing over was not the one for her. The irony is that no one can quite explain that to her - the catharsis must come through experiences like this. It is easy for an outside observer to discuss her behavior as insecurity but it not entirely accurate. If the person has formed an unsuitable attachment, it is by nature an unstable, lonely thing and as such there is nothing to feel "secure" about.
Comments