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Real Options

One of my nieces seems set on marrying a guy her parents and grandparents don't really approve of. The "calamity" has stirred a level of turbulence for this rather private family to the point they need and want to share. This kid is a few years older than J so I find the situation understandable. M loves the guy. has a lot in common with him. They are both at a stage in their career where marriage is no longer financially scary. Most importantly they've known each other for years. I chatted with M's granddad recently and this issue came up. He was not seeking any advice or guidance - only unburdening himself.

I provided some unsolicited wisdom anyway in hopes that it would help them all. I told him that M is a very smart and capable woman. If she has come to this conclusion after knowing the man for nearly a decade, chances are that their protests will on deaf ears at best or at worst alienate them from her. They would need to accept her decision and be there for her even if their fears about this union ever came true. If there are concerns that are logical and can be clearly quantified, it would be good to express those. After she's heard them out, they have nothing else left to do. This is not what anyone likes to hear under the circumstances - I am sure I would not either if M was my kid. As family we want to be completely happy about our kid's choice of partner.

I know of another young lady who is around M's age and is paralyzed with indecisiveness about her partner because she seeks full approval from her parents which has not been forthcoming. On the one hand she claims that such approval is not material to her decision to marry but on the other hand she is yet to marry. They have been together for years and in a state of suspended animation. In her case, the parents can feel vindicated that they have the decisive vote unlike my cousin's family with M. I am not sure which is the better option. As parents we can all dream of the stars magically aligning - our kid wanting to marry someone we love wholeheartedly and have no reservations about whatsoever. Very rarely does such dream come true. 

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