Things Past

I met J for a day while on a work trip. It was a long day for her but a very rewarding time for me. Since she moved, I have seen her a lot less than I did before. This might have been the first time since she left to college that I felt that I got it right as far as being mother to a grown-up kid. I was able to make the subtle changes in my behavior that gave her room to be her own woman while still being my daughter. One does not compete with the other. That took several years to happen. I am sure I will slip up some in the future but this one day set a baseline for both of us in terms of what we'd like our relationship to be. 

Later that day when I called my mother she informed me that M, a kid we both know and love (only a few years older than J) was paralyzed from brain stroke and it was not clear how long and how much he would recover. I met him a few year ago and was happy to see him thriving - he had a job he loved and was with a woman we thought was great for him. My sense of disbelief was profound - such things are not meant to happen to people who are around my kid's age. They have too much life left to live. And so does my friend who has been fighting a cancer more tenacious than her. That was not supposed to happen to her because she is such an amazing human being and yes also young. Yet these things do happen. One minute life is normal M and his girlfriend are watching a movie and eating leftovers for dinner, next thing he is in the ICU and without use of half his body. 

Over and over after I got off the phone with my mother, I recalled scenes from the past. The first day I had met M's mother. She was newly wed then and was introduced as a radio singer. She sang a song and it was polished and professional. Then the other scene with her pregnant with M visiting our home not feeling comfortable sitting down because she was in final weeks. M as a baby his jet black hair that his mother made into a ponytail. It was indeed too beautiful to cut. Every scene brimming with joy and optimism about what was next. And then the scene I had not seen but was related to me - my mind just blanked out at that one.