An Alphabet Jinx

When three bad on-line encounters occur within a month of each other, one seeks a way to help break the jinx. I never indulged in pattern recognition for a pastime until I started to spend an inordinately large portion of my work day with Business Intelligence architect types. The effect rubbed off on me unawares and with disastrous effect. Whoever said a little knowledge is a dangerous thing had envisioned me reaching wanton, unwarranted conclusions unsupported by data or evidence.

I did not have to look too far to find the connection between the three men in question. All had names starting with K. For ease of understanding I will refer to them as K1, K2 and K3 in chronological order of their acquaintance with me. The lesson learnt was obvious. "Move on to the next letter in the alphabet" I would be hard pressed to explain why not "Move backward to the previous letter in the alphabet" instead. It must have been a subliminal thought around progress being about movement forward.

K1 - Articulate by e-mail. Gives me his number asks me to call if I feel comfortable about it. I call and instant deflation occurs in the form of a high pitched squeak from the other end right at "Hello". Intelligent conversation follows, I try to tune out the voice and focus on the content. Proves hard but not impossible. K1 is an opinionated individual. I have no problem with that having plenty of my own. K1 seeks to supplant all other opinion to further the cause of his own. I compliment him on something he expressed very well in one of his e-mails. He responds "You have obviously not met any articulate men in your life if that impressed you as much as you say it did" I am dumb-founded. I decide to pass. He mails me later in the day saying he enjoyed our conversation, I reply "Likewise" and there ends the matter.

K2 - Like the picture he has on his profile. There is a carefree abandon about him that strikes a chord. Nice smile too. We e-mail some. No sparks fly. The man earns his daily bread, takes self-improvement lessons as in attending a part-time MBA program and tries to keep fit as time permits. I have no issues with that heuristic. Asks for my number. K2 passes the "Hello" barrier with flying colors. Terrific voice ! Decide to meet for the de rigueur coffee. The man that greets me resembles his picture like I resemble Greta Garbo. Must be a neat Photoshop trick I figure. The conversation is bland like infant food gone cold. He holds up my hand to look at the ring on my finger. He proceeds to tell me about his last serious relationship breakup specifics included. I am counting sheep as I sip the bottomless cup of coffee. I get an e-mail from him about a month later "I lost touch with you somehow. Wanted to say Hello". I have no suitable comeback to this one.

K3 - At the time of meeting K3, I had not yet wised up to the dread "K-factor" or I would have desisted. Requests me to call him in his opening e-mail. The profile was quite exhaustive plus he was located in the vicinity so there was not much to be gained from e-mail-stalling. I call. Voice is okay, conversation is going, going, gone deep south. I am willing to bail right away. K3 has lots to unburden. I am being his therapist for free and under duress. I know all about his unsatisfactory sex life when he was married, that he attended a top tier engineering school in India, a second tier grad school in the US, owns a house, lost some major green in the stock market crash, is currently suffering from hemorrhoids. I am pummeled by randomly unsavory information for an hour before I can slide in my "I have to let you go now" through his word torrent. He e-mails me constantly for weeks until one day he stops.

After K3, it would have taken the courage of Attila the Hun to pursue another K prospect. Being that I don't have so much as a speck of Mongolian blood in me, I moved a few letters up the alphabet instead. It feels a lot safer around here.