J loves the color blue lately. Before it used to be pink. I am concerned at her change of heart and wonder if there is something on her mind that dictates this change. Being uber sensitive about color, I went ahead and harangued her at length on why blue is a no-no in my book. How happiness and affinity for certain colors are related. She listened quietly as she always does. Later , I googled on blue to see what it is all about…also trying to discover why I don't like almost any shade of it.
All about blue at About.com
Of course at a deeper level I am concerned at her new love for this color because of it's associations with R. He loved it and made me start to like it - almost unconsciously. I had to work myself out of blue and took some effort. That was the thing about R he could cause me to morph without my knowledge. I would know it only after the effect and often that was too late.
I looked up color therapy and took the Lusher's Color Test. It analyzed me pretty good.
Blue could mean different things to different people. It could mean calm, controlled, tranquil and empowered to J and merely depressing to me. I however impose my world view on my little girl like many over-zealous parents do. I justify myself saying I am trying to protect her. Who knows what my real motivations might be..
An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t
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