Skip to main content

Unchanged

I met my friend Yvonne after three years yesterday. Though years younger than me, she and I clicked right from the first time we saw each other. She was at the time with a guy she thought might be "the one". Some days when they had an argument she was not quite as sure and wondered if she move out of Justin's apartment and be more independent, seek out different life experiences after all she was only twenty two.

When she asked me for an opinion, I always told her to follow her gut because I did not know what else to say. As I got to know her better, I began to feel protective about her like an elder sister might - Yvonne was exceptionally bright and articulate. I would hate for anyone or anything to dampen her joie de vivre or eagerness to learn.

When she called me and said she was back in town and wanted to meet for lunch I was overjoyed. For some reason, I felt a twinge of disappointment at how little she had changed. Except for the wedding ring, it was the same Yvonne from three years ago.

As we ate, I realized that my expectation of seeing a dramatic change in a woman after marriage is a cultural thing that would obviously not apply to Yvonne who had been living with Justin for three years before the ring made it official. The girls back home I remembered emerging like a butterfly from its chrysalis after marriage had been virgins before they became wives. It was a beautiful transformation. If Sushmita Sen is to be believed that is a thing of the past in India too.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques