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End of Year

Last year ended on a strange note. There was a lot of good and some unpleasantness that came to a rolling boil that midnight. Almost like we had lived the year over in the last hour. It left me feeling out of breath and restless. Since that time, many random thoughts have crossed the mind one of which was a realization that a vast majority of people I know (partnered or not) do not have children. Many have used the time and energy that it affords them to live interesting lives. 

I was telling my young friend A this morning about plans I once had for my life and how over time they lost relevance and poignancy. She was surprised to hear that I don't regret those trade-offs but just state them as a fact. You do not regret a choice of toast over cereal for breakfast. There was choice, followed by decision and then no choice left to make. It is rather mundane and does not make for tragedy.  It felt worth talking this through with a person half my age just to hear myself say those words, absolve my younger self of any residual guilt for having chosen cereal and not toast. 

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