Money and Love

A longish read but a very useful one about the role of money and discussions about how to spend it impacts relationships. Very commonsense advise comes somewhere towards the end of the article

We realized that it suits our style to have a loose structure, something that provides a framework—but not so much that we rage against the rules. We decided that we’ll each take money out of our individual accounts and combine it for big projects, like home renovations and furniture and vacations; we’ll Venmo each other when necessary to even things out; we’ll alternate organically when buying dinners and other day-to-day things.

The author quotes a woman as saying “I think that being financially transparent in a relationship is more intimate than sex.” I could not agree more and will add that the lack of synch in the one area can quickly bleed into the other. People come to a relationship with very different attitudes towards earning and spending money. While not always a deal-breaker to have different financial values, this is not the topic to push under the rug in hopes that it will either go away or will cease to matter. None of that will happen. Instead, avoidance will likely lead to terminal pain at some point. 

Beginning with good and sustainable habits regarding money early in the relationship could be key to long term peace and stability. If you are kind of person that needs to split every last expense then just be that person from the beginning- there is no need to pretend otherwise. If the other party cannot last six months in this mode of operation, they won't last a lifetime. If you don't ever intend to work as hard as you can to make as much as you can, may be a good idea to come clean about that too. Your partner will need to decide if your "just enough" strategy for work and money that comes with it is good enough for them. If you want to live for today and not worry about the future until retirement - be honest about that. It works for some people and is a deal-breaker for others. And the list goes on.