Listening to Being Mortal on my evening walks has been a deeply sobering experience. Every line of the book makes me think about my aging parents and their options as they grow older. Their differences as people continue to impact their life together - my mother is ready for the next adventure, another move meeting new people learning and growing. My father wants to stay back and rest among people and things he knows.
She was never one to form strong friendships or attachments with anyone - I can't think of one person in the world she could call a friend but she has a large set of acquaintances of various sorts with whom she maintains a superficial relationship. It would be very easy for her to form these connections at any time and anywhere. That is probably to her advantage. My father is more conventional - he likes the known and well-worn in life.
So when they think about the next phase of life - should they need help to do what they do on their own now, or just grow tired of being self-sufficient all the time and need a hand sometimes, they can't agree on what that phase would look like. I have been encouraging to think about the various possibilities, preparing way ahead of time so there is no unplanned rush to do something they were not ready for.
They are taking a few tentative steps - making some phone calls, talking to people, asking questions. But I sense this sense of trepidation in both of them that Gawande speaks of so eloquently in their book - the fear of losing freedom to live and become captive to a system designed around priorities that do not at all coincide with their desire to have their own kind of life. This is the story of every elderly person transitioning from an independent life into the unknown.
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