On J's birthday some time back, my father shared some pictures of my mother and I from the time we were that age. My mother was engaged to be married at that age, she would never complete her bachelor's degree, and I was still in college like J. Three generation of women and how far apart we are. Looking at these old pictures made me think about the acceleration a mother is able to provide her daughter. You do the best you can based on your life circumstances to create new possibilities for the next generation. For my mother it was about me getting a professional education and acquiring financial independence. That was a big deal from her vantage point. Because she succeeded, I was able to do better for J.
And yet there are women in the chain of mothers who don't quite step up, leave their daughters lagging behind. Such was my maternal grandmother - she was too mentally absent and could not help her daughter get a few steps ahead of her. If anything my mother and aunt fell behind and had to work much harder on their daughters to make up for it. The loss could be multi-dimensional at that point and cascade in unexpected ways through the generations. My cousin is a remarkable woman and has built a career for herself overcoming serious odds with my aunt always by her side to assist. My life flowed a bit differently than hers but we likely have the same blind-spots. We have helped our girls in some areas and mostly failed them in others because our mothers were lop-sided creatures, trying to do the best with the hand they had been dealt.
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