I was doing some conflict management training at work recently and discovered what should have been obvious after all these years. Women seem to think resolving conflict, keeping peace and not escalating to superiors is part of doing their job and being competent.
This was not called out explicitly but the situational responses certainly pointed that way. The first time I was complimented by a client for having a calming presence and being able to making peace among feuding team-members was a long time ago. Being younger and more unwise than I am now, I took that to be a positive trait.
Turns out that was pretty far from reality. Being a mommy at work is necessarily desirable - that persona should remain at home where it belongs. I am nowhere close to being the office mom but I have some attributes that do work against me. At this point in my life and career, I doubt much will change for me but I will share my learnings with J and hopefully she will avoid the traps I have fallen into over the years.
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