Read this Anna Akmatova poem for the first time and was struck by its sparseness. It called to mind a loveless marriage where the partners are all too familiar with each other's loves and hates but there is still no accord. Neither love nor hate makes for common ground but it results in knowing each other deeply and having more reasons to pull apart.
The reference to raspberry jam and tea, reminded me of many couples I know who are very far apart in their food preferences. Over the years, the gravity of what is cooked at home moves to one side or the other. The person who simply won't stand for certain foods will likely prevail with the other coming around to accepting food they don't particularly like but can tolerate.
If I stay overnight at anyone's home, I generally cook them a meal. It's a habit I learned from my mother. With many of these couples, I end up cooking something the "deprived" party loves and has not had in a long time. They remember that meal for months and and years not because I am such a spectacular cook but because I made it possible for them to enjoy something they had loved and lost.
The longer the marriage, the less this person remembers who they used to be, what their loves and hates were because they are the unifying, binding force of the relationship. They move to center and get consumed and almost disappear. By cooking for them to their taste, I connect them briefly to a time long past. I did not set out to do this as a goal but it always happens that the sacrificing spouse will often tell me what foods they love and haven't had in a long time.
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