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Getting Wed

For reasons unknown to me and most of our extended family, one of our relatives is determined to have a big fat Indian wedding for his only son early last month. Just about everyone was begging off for understandable reasons. The more people that didn't or couldn't be there the greater the pressure of the inner circle to been seen and be counted. Postponing weddings seems to be just as hard now as it was back in my day. The bride's family was getting super-skittish and seeing these pandemic driven postponements as lack of firm commitment from the other side. When I found out my parents were being counted  upon to show up in person at this event, I had to intervene. Saying a hard no would be easy but that is what you do to burn bridges with relatives for good. This is their only child and if all goes well the only marriage there will be in their family. So they want it to count, show off their prosperity which was hard fought and earned. I get all that. 

This is the moment they have been preparing for a couple of decades and now no one is excited about showing up. Having lived away and apart from all this, I have forgotten a lot about the level of stress a wedding in the family can produce. How what we do or choose not to do on the occasion is remembered to death. Some of the grudges can transit generations "The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interrèd with their bones". 

The maneuvering it took for days and weeks to keep my parents out of harm's way while keeping their connections undisturbed in the family completely wore me out. Yet again, it made me wonder what people hope to accomplish with these grandiose weddings that are meant to be the axis upon which their life turns. Just a year out none of this will matter. I wish there was more emphasis on teaching the young couple how to make and keep a strong marriage, help them understand the importance of giving to each without reservation. 

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