I first learned to control the impulsive urge to call her at first and then when that behavior improved, tried not to text just because I needed to feel connected to my baby. The last step which still ongoing is to communicate with a light touch for a friend and mentor - J is a sensible young woman and does not need to be hovered over. She generally makes good decisions and I must learn to disagree and still back her play.
Learning how to get to an equal footing with my grown-up daughter, not suffocating her and still being the one she can always count on, are the next stage of growth for me as a mother. Failing to adapt to the needs of an adult child whose life will progress in ways I cannot fully understand or relate to, is the best way to create distance - one that grows insurmountable over time. This I have learned from my own relationship with my parents. However it is that we got to this point, the loss is mostly mine - they may see it differently. I hope that J and I will fare better.
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