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Being Parent

J has been in college for a couple of years now and this time has been one of great emotional growth for me. I graduated from being a hyper-attached, high-strung, high-separation anxiety parent to someone who is willing to wait a couple of weeks to have a phone conversation with her child. We both have busy schedules and live in different time zones so getting that opportunistic hour to chat is not easy. 

I first learned to control the impulsive urge to call her at first and then when that  behavior improved, tried not to text just because I needed to feel connected to my baby. The last step which still ongoing is to communicate with a light touch for a friend and mentor - J is a sensible young woman and does not need to be hovered over. She generally makes good decisions and I must learn to disagree and still back her play. 

Learning how to get to an equal footing with my grown-up daughter, not suffocating her and still being the one she can always count on, are the next stage of growth for me as a mother. Failing to adapt to the needs of an adult child whose life will progress in ways I cannot fully understand or relate to, is the best way to create distance - one that grows insurmountable over time. This I have learned from my own relationship with my parents. However it is that we got to this point, the loss is mostly mine - they may see it differently. I hope that J and I will fare better. 
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