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Oppressive Pity

I spent the majority of my adult life single and can relative to this notion of oppressive pity this Atlantic article talks about

And many single people, whether they live alone or with others, constantly face the stigma associated with not being partnered. “It’s oppressive, always getting pitied,” DePaulo said. “People have bought into the ideology that having someone is better—[that] the more natural, normal, superior way of being is being coupled or having a family.”

The pity can take many forms but it exists as an under-current. Well meaning people are on the constant lookout to match-make, they check in to see how your most recent date went - to see you back on track would be their dream come true. I went through such a transition in my status and there was a burst of euphoria in the community that had been rooting for me. 

Finally they said as they heaved a sigh of relief. But having been single for long, the stigma takes even longer to wash that stain. It becomes part of your identity so even when paired you are never quite as normal as those who were "normal" the whole time. I learned to make uneasy peace with not being object of pity to someone worthy of tentative acceptance. The fact is that people who have been single for a long time fundamentally diverge from those who have not lived in that state, just because they acquire new status does not change that fact.

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