Was at a happy hour recently with some folks I know and few that I don't. The age range of the group ranged from mid 20s to mid 60s. Singles, couples, empty-nesters, gray divorcees and grand parents were included in the mix. How people make surface level chatter seems to be informed by who they consider to be part of their identity. Work is a big part of it and then its who is at home or absent from there. Finally what they do in their personal time and who they do it with. One of the men in the group had been hit with the trifecta of divorce, pandemic and having his only kid leave to college - all within the span of three years. He comes out the the other side of it, the world is making the most of "normalcy" while he is dealing with a confounding emptiness and the rotating cast of women he has first dates with it.
The friends as he mentions them in the passing are also divorced guys with older kids - college and beyond. In our ad-hoc group that evening, he was one of kind in a life stage a bit too novel for the rest of the crowd to find relatable. As you get older, the pool of people available to consider a relationship shrinks exponentially. Both sides have become too set in their ways to make any realistic and lasting change. If one side has been single for a lot longer than the other, they would not have much patience for dealing with the shock and awe of becoming suddenly single at an age people are mentally preparing to enjoy the coasting stage of life. On the other hand if both are in the same boat, they may more sympathy of each other but not necessarily the resources to help.
As we parted ways, I could not help thinking how big a role age and time played in helping a person in his situation bounce back. If he had been a decade younger or the event had occurred a decade ago, chances are he would be back in the saddle by this time. Age and timing were not on his side and that made it the hard situation it was.
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