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Celebrating Women

On International Women's Day a few weeks ago, I had a few friends and co-workers wish me for the occasion and each time I felt offended. My reaction made me also feel like a kill-joy and a curmudgeon - the very stereotype of a person who is needlessly disaffected by the most mundane things in the world. 

Notwithstanding, I took it upon myself to explain to these well-wishers why I felt so offended. I am tired of women being put on a pedestal and being made a big deal of on a specific day and being treated like second, third and worse tier every other day of the year. I recognize I am in a position of great privilege and that makes it all the more reason to feel that such celebration is a slap on the collective face of womanhood.

The overwhelming majority of my sisters around the world have is way worse than I do. That was true centuries and millennia ago and it continues to be true today. Women have not had it good as a default state of affairs - ever. It has been a infinitely long fight of attrition to wear down the other side to submission. The good in a woman's life as it relates to men often comes locally - friends, relatives and professional connections. These people in her immediate circle, are good men and do what they can do to further her cause - they are champions, cheerleaders, mentors and coaches who transform her life. So in that microcosm, the woman thrives like an orchid in a greenhouse. Sometimes she thrives so well, she can even do well for herself out in the wild. I have been very fortunate to have such men in my life.

A couple of years ago, a nice guy I worked with at the time, invited me to be an advisor to the Male Ally group he was running. I have a problem with the concept of male-allyship but that is a topic for another day. M is an outstanding fellow and I have no issues with him but the job he was asking me to take up pro-bono was basically to correct the omissions of parenting that resulted in these men in their 40s and 50s that most women find incredibly hard to tolerate. As an "advisor" I was meant to point out to them the error of their ways (the job that their parents and early caregivers were delinquent in performing and thus left the world with this mess to clean up) so they may correct it best they could to score points as male allies.

I cannot think of a worse more useless undertaking and expressed my opinion to M as nicely as I could. He understood, took a long pause and went on his way to find other candidates who may see such a role in more positive light than I did. I could get behind a day of mourning for the the state of woman once a year - really put a sharp focus on what is still not working instead of the celebration of a handful of wins which is actually an abdication of real rights. 

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