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Talking Over

I found this essay interesting having been around both men and women going through divorce. The women talk about it - sometime even incessantly until the wounds ultimately scab over. In any divorce there is two sides to the story. The women skew it their way even if they admit to some fault. The men do not like discussing it. They definitely do not like unpacking what went into the unraveling of the marriage - if the wife was egregiously at fault maybe there will be some words said to describe that situation but in a way that still made him look like he did not take a bruising. 

They hurt in silence and likely don't fully heal. They need a friend that they don't always have. The fear of projecting weakness, of being a loser or a failure is too strong to be candid about what went wrong. There is a good deal of overcompensation to prove that the divorce did not impact them at all. 

I was in a dark place for a decade after I decided to leave my ex. Many women I have known over the year can relate to that and will gladly share their own stories. But mean will not talk about it as readily but they do share with people they trust and are know will not judge them. This talk is not driven by need for catharsis as might be the case for women.

Men have fewer friends, fewer sources of support, and are far less likely to reach out for help. This means that, when they fall, there’s often no one there to catch them. Worse, they often won’t let anyone know that they’re falling.

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