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Socially Distant

This article about the end-times of social media for those who were there from the beginning resonates with me even though my social presence is sparse at best. I have seen people bring their digital behavior into in-person interactions as well. It is underscored by the acting social, friendly and wanting to have a real conversation when in fact the person does not have the capacity or inclination to do any of that. A typical text message from some of this ilk will read like this "Hey! you have been on my mind. It's been forever since we met. Sorry I have been busy traveling most days of the month. How is the the last of this month? I am in town and would love to grab lunch or dinner". 

All that sounds great except nothing materializes from this. In the past, I would respond with specific availability to see what worked from the other person. There would be crickets after that because the intent of the message was not to actually meet for anything at all but act social and keep the connection alive. I would be one of several dozen people in receipt of that message. Over time, I have learned to play along and respond in the manner expected. I just reply "Sounds great! Would love to meet" and then each go our separate ways for the rest of the year, not feel obligated to do any further touch-points to keep the connection alive. 

Social media today is less driven by actual social connection. It is powered by the “appearance of social connection,” says Marlon Twyman II, a quantitative social scientist at USC Annenberg who specializes in social network analysis. “Human relationships have suffered and their complexity has diminished. Because many of our interactions are now occurring in platforms designed to promote transactional interactions that provide feedback in the form of attention metrics, many people do not have much experience or practice interacting with people in settings where there are collective or communal goals for a larger group.” This has also led to people being more image-conscious and identity-focused in real-world interactions, too, Twyman adds.

This is my experience as well - the appearance of social connection is the key driver. If a real world interaction is supposed to provide feedback in the form of attention metrics, I can see why most people would shy away from it. The only in-person meeting that will make any sense is one that converts into a digital record that attracts a lot of desirable attention. I can see why meeting one such as myself for lunch or dinner is simply not going to deliver the needed metrics, so the person will not prioritize it. 

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