Our walks in the evening frequently take us past a tennis court where people around the community come out to play. Recently, while passing by we saw a toddler sitting by the edge of the court away from the action engrossed with picking out tennis balls from a bag one at a time and squeezing in through the gap between the fence and the ground. Outside, there were at least a dozen balls scattered on the slope leading the the street and some on the street itself. The child was intensely focused on getting those balls out while his parents played tennis. On our way back, we found the balls gone and the child prancing around the nets as his parents were wrapping up. A common and amusing sight to see child do such things but it got me thinking about what it means more broadly to allow unrestricted freeplay and if choosing to disengage the child from an activity which the adult does not like for some reason, the best way to make that transition.
It called to mind the times in J's childhood when I would get worn out by her "silly" games and want a pause or even a total stop. While I tried to not to stifle her spirit, I don't think I knew the proper way to get her to transition from the silly play mode. There is no book of rules that parents can follow for such things. Each kid is different, they can be different levels of risk averse and each situation presents its unique challenges. Most importantly, the parents of a child that age are very likely to be perpetually exhausted - it would be very lucky if just one of them is not. A young dad I work with is grappling with this problem and shared his solution - create a flexible and permeable perimeter around the child, so the rules and guidance are shape shifting. It seems like a good idea except that it goes against the traditional wisdom that children like structure and predictable outcomes.
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