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Keeping Quiet

Reading this in the news some time ago reminded me of my friend N. A regular person but she has had life experience similar to royalty in this case. N too has three kids and her spouse was diagnosed with cancer. She made the choice not to discuss the situation with anyone and also not share the diagnosis with the younger kids because they would not know how to process it. Their father was said to be working from home because he needed some time to recover from an unspecified illness - nothing to worry about. The kids were satisfied with the explanation and life went on. He had made it five years since the time of his first chemo. N still does not talk about his situation with anyone. Those who know her know that the topic is off-limits. All three kids are doing fine. Their lives are as normal as it could possibly be. 

When at first N refused to even acknowledge what was going on, I will admit I was concerned for her mental health and reached out to be someone who could just listen if she wanted to say something. I would not take the conversation anywhere that made her uncomfortable. She firmly declined the offer. It took me some to time to understand that a person does not suddenly turn incompetent or mentally unstable in crisis - least of all someone like N. She is a formidable woman and has accomplished near impossible things in her life. It was people like me who though well-meaning were not able to maintain perspective when we heard the bad news impacting our friend. We were the ones that needed to back off and let her do what she judged was the best for her family. It turns out that only regular people can have such the luxury of such choice. When a person is so much in the public eye they lose their right to the very basic protections afforded to people in such times.

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