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Redefining Happy

It was amusing to read this interview on happiness - the old variety that needs to be tossed and the new one embraced. The central thesis hinges on this:

Due to Old Happy, Americans are struggling with unprecedented levels of unhappiness, illness, burnout, and loneliness, with no idea what’s wrong or what they need to do to feel better again. The evidence I’ve amassed about the harms of Old Happy is astounding. 

I am not so sure people have no idea what’s wrong or what they need to do to feel better again. Sometimes those things they need to do to feel better are not attainable. A parent who is running on fumes because they have school-age kids, a demanding job that is needed to pay the bills, a marriage fraying from lack of care and attention and lack of mobility due to family being rooted to their current place of work. 

This person knows exactly what would make them feel better - if they could have the gift of time without being stressed about how the bills will get paid, they would feel better instantly - the kids would be happier, the marriage will start to thrive and they will have the luxury of pursuing their hobby. This individual is not even super-ambitious or chasing after social status - they just want a comfortable life for their family. But there is no path to any of that. They are ill, burnt-out and lonely for good reason. 

The new happiness mantra  is that " you need to start seeing that you are worthy exactly as you are". Our parent here simply cannot do that. They are failing their kids every day by lack of attention and dearth of quality time with them. They are failing their spouse by not being able to them the chance to pursue a cherished dream of studying music because that second job is sorely needed. They are not thriving at work because the culture is toxic and they cannot recharge at home. 

"you need to focus on expressing yourself and growing as a person in whatever way feels authentic to you. You are not defined by your successes or failures." Indeed you are defined by successes and failures. The parent gets that big promotion and the raise that comes with it and all at once, their spouse can catch a breath. They can divide their time between raising kids and taking classes. The parent is still dealing with a toxic workplace and even more politics but they can find some reprieve at work. It would be a fairly defining thing to be able to improve the quality of your loved ones' lives. So that success does matter in very measurable ways.

"you need to see that you are connected to others and that no one does anything alone. We are social creatures who are wired to need support. You are inextricably connected to others." This one makes perfect sense but change cannot come about by individuals making their own efforts. The parent in our example can reduce their individual stress by partnering with others in the same situation, barter help with kids and errands to begin. Some people are very good at this and are able to alleviate their stress. I am not certain there is a stigma attached to seeking a support system. Some luck into it and others don't. Those that don't suffer.

What is amusing that a person can spend a decade to come up with insights are that are naive at worst and commonsense at best. 

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