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Assigning Order

It just so happened that a work trip ended up being right before a vacation we had planned for months. It would be unwise for me to postpone the meeting so I said yes even though it made things tight. Once I start optimizing I don't always know where to stop. Since I was going to be in town for four days, I reached out to a few friends who live there to see if they might be able to meet. It ended up being a flurry of seeing people and long conversations that I did not know were meant to happen. I got a few excellent book recommendations, learned about pain suffered and wisdom gained from it. I was able to share lessons from my own life that I hope serves V well. 

She has chosen to completely bury herself in work, chase after the most challenging assignments to make sure she has no capacity left to process her loss and grief. I told her that I had done similar for a decade because I was not brave enough to confront the void in my life and acknowledge only a miracle would save me (which it did). And when I finally summoned up and allow the blunt force of pent up pain to pound on me, I did gain clarity. 

It stopped hurting after a while and I was ready to move on. I hope V sees some parallels there and decides to do right by herself. She promised that she would and that I would be proud of the progress she has made. It warmed my heart to hear her say that. That long chat with V put me a bit behind on what I needed to "get done" that afternoon but it was the best use of my time. I am glad I was there and she had the time to meet me. If that conversation triggers change in her, it would be best thing I did on that trip.

Grief, whether from trauma or major life changes, may also take form in workaholism; anger, guilt, depression, and more may be seen as uncomfortable feelings that one can escape by focusing on the tasks at hand.

Those tasks on hand were infinite and endless for me back in the day and so it is for V. I think there may have been a brief moment of clarity there for her that the task of loving and caring for oneself is just one task and it can fit into any schedule if the person decides it is their task number one.

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