Skip to main content

Connected String

Watched May December a few days before watching Lion. Nothing in common between the stories, but it is about how a child's life turns out due to the actions of their parents, who are often victims of circumstance themselves. In the first instance, the father of the children was was a minor himself, when an older woman seduced and later married him. The movie was inspired by those events and shows the children in state of permanent discomfort about their sordid origin. One of the two parents was not at fault and neither are the kids - yet they all suffer. There is no better place they can escape to so this is the life they must somehow make peace with.

The second movie has a happy ending for the protagonist who is reunited with his birth mother but also has wonderful adoptive parents. His adoptive brother does not have nearly the same outcomes. His early childhood until adoption was significantly worse that trauma held him back despite the opportunities he received after being adopted. Both movies are made very well and got me thinking about outcomes in people's lives - what they control and what they can't.

For some reason, it brought to mind a woman I worked with at some point that was extremely difficult to deal with. She blew hot and cold all the time so you never knew what state you'd find her any given time. Some folks had developed adaptations to cope with her because was critical to the work they were doing. I chose not to have any in-person interactions with her but use online and email channels only. It was more predictable to deal with her that way. For the longest time, I struggled to understand why H was this kind of person that made it tremendously tasking for others to get along with her. 

Somehow in the light of these two movies which have nothing to do with H - a product of a stable, upper-class family with excellent education, married to a lawyer and mother of a pre-school kid. When she is feeling sociable, I have heard her share things about her family which sound perfectly regular and normal. Yet, there had to be something about her childhood and youth that made her into this highly peculiar individual. More likely than not, she was responding to something in her environment that she was not in her control. Over time she became the H we learned to avoid or adapt to.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...

Reading Shantaram

I finished listening to Shantaram on audiobook after several weekends of being absorbed in the story. This book had been on my to-read list for a long time and I am glad I chose the audio version of it. It is an extraordinary story teeming with colorful characters and rich detail. As an Indian who is a stranger to Mumbai and Maharashtra in that I have never spent years of my life there. I have to rely on what I know second hand. As a fan Rohinton Mistry's A Fine Balance, where in my mind I imagined the action taking place in Mumbai, this book was a chance for me to know the city through another author even if an Australian.  The author,  Gregory David Roberts comes across as someone who is able to see the soul of India through all that ails it. And in connecting with that soul, he finds some answers to his life's hard questions. India does not save him but it keeps his soul alive and striving. Most of his experiences would be unrelatable to the average person who lives a far m...