Heartcrossings

I was a volunteer at yet another STEM for girls event recently - a thing I feel very ambivalent about these days but have not figured out how to say no to well-meaning friends who request for help. A good decade ago, I related very strongly to the idea of getting and keeping girls interested in math. No so much STEM (and now STEAM) but just making math fun, interesting and accessible. Since that time, this whole business of bringing gender parity to STEM has been subjected to a crazy "shrink it and pink it" strategy with appalling results from what I can tell. Most of the events where I have volunteered have two kinds of participants. The first set is hyper hot-housed by the parents to the point you can no longer see the real kid outside their pitch and app. Everyone makes an app these days no matter the relevance to the problem at hand. They stick to what they have been coached to say and do and cannot engage in an exploratory conversation on the very subject of their proje...

Nice article about male loneliness and emotional care-taking . Particularly loved this gem of a tweet by Erin Rodgers that was referenced in the story I want the term "gold digger" to include dudes who look for a woman who will do tons of emotional labour for them Most of us women have experienced our share of such gold-diggers in our lives. Often their methods tend to be covert - instead direct ask for help, there will a series of constant aggravations in a close relationship that would make the woman feel the need to jump into the rescue. The solution seems too easy and obvious - what could possibly go wrong lending a hand ? Just about everything as the collective experience of the sisters would bear. The author of this article proposes why that happens The persistent idea that seeking therapy is a  form of weakness  has produced a generation of men suffering from symptoms like  anger, irritability, and aggressiveness , because not only are they  less likely ...

Wonderful reading about technology and innovation that is adapted to local needs and serves great purpos e. Just not Amazon same-day delivering one more thing I did not need (and definitely with such great urgency) to my front porch by drone. The inventor says: "We built it two days ago, in two hours. With controls, motors, receiver, power system, GPS, 3D-printed parts—it’s about US $150. And bamboo is around for free.” Fitness for purpose goes a long way - and sometimes the humbler, cheaper solution is the one of best fit A handful of European drone companies exhibited their machines, all of them very capable, all built with custom hardware and software and encased in sleek fiberglass and carbon fiber. But these drones are too expensive for East Africa. Here the drones need to be cheap, both to build and to repair—and that means bamboo and zip ties instead of fiberglass and carbon fiber.

For close to eight years now, I have been fortunate to do most of my work from home and travel as needed. This arrangement served J particularly well as I was able to be home most days when she got back from school. As most parents know, timing is everything in having a good conversation with kids.  If you feed a hungry child and spend that half hour of transition between school and home talking, chances are you will hear something useful atleast sometimes. This is the opportunity I was lucky to have on many days. But the workdays could turnnlong and silent but for such breaks. There would be long stretches of quiet punctured by bursts of phone calls. The total hours of silence I have enjoyed over these years must be an impressive number compared to those who have to go to their physical place of work everyday. Interesting article on the regenerative value of silence . I have had good ideas during those quiet periods, been able to work on simplifying my life which is an import...

I had an interesting conversation with my young friend S about the future of the middle class in the world. From his teenage American perspective, we focused on what was local to both of our experiences.  He argued that the risk of the death of the middle class is greatly exaggerated and cited examples of many young people who squarely belonged there because they were able to live the middle class life-style.  My counter argument to that was when the gap between the very rich and the very poor is extremely large and the so called middle class is way closer to the very poor than to the very rich and you plot the median incomes on a graph, its easy to see a huge void in the middle. Also, living a certain life style does not equal being able to afford it naturally and easily.  Everyone is clustered toward the bottom or the top just based on the scale. It is no longer possible to see the small variations between very poor, somewhat poor, somewhat middle class, solidly mid...

Sometimes in life, the deepest friendships can be challenged by alignment in values. Do you believe in the the other's cause or mission and reciprocally do they in yours? Some of us pursue what we value or hold dear with more doggedness than the others; yet there is always a line in the sand that defines our un-breachable limit. In a friendship, it is possible to arrive at that line and wonder where to from here. You find that you do not share some very important values and even alignment to them is fractious.  So you need to determine how best you support each other across the chasm that cannot be crossed. If just love, affection and care is enough to make up for what does not exist. You become aware of how different you are at a human level from this person you care about very deeply. I had this very experience recently and had to ask myself what defined the essence of us- the part where it is possible to love and care so easily or the one where we confront the other's lin...

This is straight out of Black Mirror - Uber uses ratings to deactivate drivers and now riders . There is fairness in that ofcourse. No reason only drivers should bear the brunt of poor ratings. You have to wonder if this works like a popularity contest and also if jerks can pay their pay to a better rating.  I can see a scenario where at the end of the ride, driver and rider give each other ratings based on a tip amount. No tip equals nasty rating even if you are Mother Theresa. A jerk on the other hand can buy their way out of obnoxious behavior with a 30% tip on the ride. Everyone gets the ratings they need to stay in business and get on with their lives.  Every time a customer declines to a pay a tip where tipping is an option, there is a chance the system rates them as undesirable in some way. The Chinese takeout, the Taco food-truck, the local Panera and so on. At an aggregate level a customer can be classified "Awful Tipper" which could translate into second and thi...

I have been using the iNaturalist app iSeek in my own backyard and wherever I happen upon a plant or a tree I do not recognize. I have long waited for an app just like this and could not be happier. Thank you Nat Geo and California Academy of Sciences for giving the botany challenged but nature curious folk like myself, such a wonderful learning tool!  The weeds in my yard each have a name now so they have gone from being pesky strangers to friends and acquaintances. There is profusion of lyreleaf sage these days for instance. A weed with pale blue flowers that turns out to be a very useful herb besides being pretty. Look forward to learning the gifts of nature in my yard and everywhere I go. 

M was a former client from over ten years ago. Recently, I was at the company where she now works for a customer meeting that did not involve. I decided to stop by at her office to say hello and was very warmly received. She asked why I had not let her know sooner so we could have done lunch or dinner. It has been my experience unfortunately, a lot of times these statements are made without much sincerity - just as a social gesture, a filler of space in a short, impromptu conversation. And such thinking has led me to frequently treat them as such. As a social experiment, I decided to inform M a few weeks prior to my next visit there. Almost predictably, she politely declined claiming a prior engagement that would preclude the possibility of dinner - maybe next time. Logically speaking, ofcourse I could let her know the next time too and see how that goes - and in my greener years I would take people at their word and do what's logical.  As I grow older, my desire to try again di...

These lines from Alice Munro's Dear Life reminded me of a networking event I was at recently. She watched for a conversational group that seemed to have a hole in it, where she might insert herself. She seemed to have found one when she heard the names of movies mentioned. European movies, such as were beginning to be shown in Vancouver at that time. She heard the name of one that she and Peter had gone to see. The Four Hundred Blows. “Oh, I saw that.” She said this loudly and enthusiastically, and they all looked at her and one, a spokesperson evidently, said, “Really?” Unlike the character in this story Greta, I was not brave enough to forge ahead when I found such a "hole". Instead I tried to make eye contact with people who had not yet coalesced into a larger groups that functioned like a self-contained island. I had the distinct feeling that no one particularly loves networking or barging in where holes appear in groups. We do what we have to somewhat awkwardly a...

The name of the book drew me in and I made an effort to read Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are, a book on the aforementioned topics presumably for the lay person. Sadly I lasted only until the middle of chapter one - I did not think I would learn very much from sticking with it to the end.  The author, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz begins by stating that big data analysis of note is usually explainable to a reasonable person. I would totally agree with that when it is not, we are probably dealing with a peddler of snake-oil. He went to explain that grandma offering relationship advice is indeed big data. She has the most data points on the topic and has observed outcomes over the long years. Based on that she can see patterns and offer a recommendation for the person at hand. A very reasonable explanation of what data and analysis is all about.   Somewhere in chapter one the author proceeds to make a liar out of ...

This is a fun article to read about the never married women with no kids being the happiest . Perhaps a few other factors come into play in the level of happiness - a great friend group, supporting community, some kids to mentor and financial independence. When a women in the referenced demographic has these parameters in place, she could indeed be happier than her married counterparts. My childhood role-model who has been a lifelong influence was such a woman herself and so is my best friend.  They do have it all and can be the object of societal envy for getting a "free ride" so to speak. They enjoy the benefits of motherhood by playing a nurturing, mentoring role to many kids they come into contact with. Yet they do not have to deal with the day to day struggles of raising a child, friction with their spouse over how best to do so. They have freedom to live a life of their choosing on their own schedule.  As a result they have enriching life experiences that women i...

Reading this HBS article warmed my heart. Can't count the number of times someone with a fancy title and a nice office has told me they are a "big picture" person and they leave the details to their staff. Which implies they are above the operations grind - the realm of those with limited mental abilities. There is always the insinuation that if a person could see and think "big picture" shit they would never be left to just run operations.  It has also been my experience over the years that these big picture folk are often unable to make good decisions that relate to turning their "vision" a reality. Never having been close to the actual work that it takes to make that happen, they have no radar for bullshit. So a very small fragment of that exalted picture ever comes to life. The best leaders are those who can do both strategy and execution and I have seen a few of those too. They are a pleasure to work with and they are able to drive their vision...

I can't play a video game to save my life but l ove the looks of this cool hand-crank console . If Tetris married Lego and they had a child, it would probably look like Playdate. They claim the toy is a lot of fun. At the other end of the gaming spectrum is Amazon trying to gamify warehouse tasks . The company said it doesn’t monitor game results or penalize workers for not participating. However, warehouse workers are tracked carefully for speed, efficiency and other factors, and those who underperform can be fired or reassigned. If the games are helping to push workers to be more productive, it could make those who eschew them appear to be straggling. Sounds a lot like treating human beings like lab rats - trying to learn what mind games can be played on them to make Amazon more money. They can play along, earn their real and fake rewards or be "reassigned" for under-performance. For a low-skilled, low-wage worker those are not such great choices.

The idea of Facebook being around even in 2100 is definitely depressing but other than that this Fast Company story on the data of the deceased is good reading. Digital remains is a new phrase I learned - something that can be too easily abused dead profiles could be used to attract new people to the platform and continue to monetize their attention, and that “datasets of digital remains” could be used to train new models and find historical patterns, which could help drive the company’s bottom line Digital Beyond provides a long list of service offerings to address the disposal of our digital corpse. One of them aptly named Digital Remains promises " Our encrypted and 100% secure software ensures that you can be sure that your wishes are carried out by your named digital executors". We definitely live in interesting times .

It has been interesting to read the news of the Indian election in the western media given the contrast to what I hear from friends and family in India. This Washpost story came close to the views of my relatives in Kolkata By delivering Modi’s Bharatiya Janata Party a clear majority of its own, Indians have shown a preference for strong, decisive, alpha-male leadership unencumbered by pressure from smaller political forces. And what may have begun as culture clashes between Indian conservatives and liberals has been decisively settled on the political battlefield with a clear win for the right wing. I grew up in India when BJP had just started to make political ripples. When I think back, their appeal was in being direct about their intent and having the courage to do what is risky and potentially unpopular with large parts of their potential vote bank. This was very different from what Indians had seen from political parties until then. The merits of their ideology was a topic o...

I thought of my Parisian friend D, the day we woke up to the news of Notre Dame - exchanged some texts about the tragedy and how people were sad there for a loss that felt deeply personal. Life goes on for us both. In weeks that followed, there was a good amount of outrage from varied quarters about the fundraising efforts to restore Notre Dame - how the same monies could restore the coral reefs, feed the hungry around the world and generally do far more meaningful things than just restoring an old church. Those arguments are valid and yet such worthy causes have never captured the imagination of those who have the means to address them. Instead of trying to the shame the would be donors into "doing the right" thing it maybe useful to understand why people give and why they don't.  Maybe philanthropy is not an altruistic thing at all and expectations should be adjusted accordingly. No one would question the right of a CEO to make certain investments that best serve the ...

Many of my peers talk about the value and meaning of the work they do - more often the lack thereof.  Read this beautiful poem about another way of looking at work and what it is good for The work of the world is common as mud. Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust. But the thing worth doing well done has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident. I am definitely involved in work that is "common as mud". While it is easy to feel dissatisfied and even helpless that it is so, perhaps shaping it into something clean is the way to overcome that. In my world, that involves staring at data for extended periods of time, wrangling it much in the manner of pulling weeds from an overgrown yard and then staring at more to see if it tells me more than it first did. At some point, acquaintance grows into friendship and it may well tell me stories I could learn from. I can easily escape into this world completely. As the poet describes it: I love people who ha...

Interesting ban on analytics on past rulings made by judges.  The rationale for such ban is explained thusly: However, judges in France had not reckoned on NLP and machine learning companies taking the public data and using it to model how certain judges behave in relation to particular types of legal matter or argument, or how they compare to other judges. In short, they didn’t like how the pattern of their decisions – now relatively easy to model – were potentially open for all to see. Seems like hubris has a lot to do with such move. If decisions are more predictable, the whole legal process becomes less a game of dice with contained costs and timetables for those involved in the litigation. Would it not make sense for the legal system to use the AI for the first level of decision making and override it when it does not make sense? Even without AI, lawyers and law-firms have always used past performance data of judges to plan their strategy. The more adept the lawyer at p...

By now its " unteachable mediocrity " is old news in India and those who had been following election news abroad. That phrase has a certain ring that made it resonate. It exceeds the acceptable level of snide in respectable journalism by just enough. Equal or worse has been said by many a capable scribe but coming out of Time magazine the indictment has legitimacy.  There is also a certain universality to it - we have all encountered someone that can be described exactly the same way. Being teachable automatically elevates a person from mediocrity. They learn their way out of it. The quality of unteachable has to do with mental inertia and inability to recognize how far your limitations run. In that sense it is morally unacceptable to be unteachable. Reading about it made me think about areas of my own life where I have and continued to act like "unteachable mediocrity" despite numerous options to get out of that state.

Nice Fast Company article on what makes for sticky internet content . The author writes: Marvel Studios makes its sequels bigger, louder, and funnier than the originals. When it applies to online content, it means that we’re being pushed from funny, useful, beautiful, and inspiring stuff into something that appeals to us on a much deeper, and potentially more damaging, level. What makes us happy? For almost all the people we studied, the answer was: other people’s unhappiness. Any psychologist will tell you that this isn’t surprising.  I wonder if that is because happiness as most people know or experience it only matters on a relative scale. To that end, it may be hard to feel or quantify happiness unless in the context of those around us - that creates a scale on which measurements start to make sense.  The more "friends", "followers" and "connections" we have the more extensive and graduated the scale. Everyone needs to scored and somewhere ther...

The college admission process in America gets increasingly ludicrous by the day. This was a marquee year by all accounts.We learned among other things of the Adversity Score on the SAT that has already impacted kids during the pilot period. There are so many reasons why this is wrong and asinine that is hard to even enumerate. Kids are already trotting out all manner of sob stories in their college essays to edge out their competition - it always reminds me of the hapless beggars in India who have no choice but to fake a variety of disabilities to coax passers-by to give them some money. Now there will be a thriving business in how best to get the highest possible adversity score and game the system.  It is so presumptuous of the College Board to quantify a child's environment context.  How exactly are they accounting for domestic strife, violence and abuse that the kid may have had to endure behind closed doors of their expensive suburban home. How about the captain of the...

This interview with John Carreyou on Theranos is a great read. His diagnosis of what ailed the company is likely applicable to many an ill-conceived startup that fails to pass the most perfunctory bullshit test It was a combination of fraud and hubris. She and Sunny Balwani [Theranos’ president] didn’t even have the curiosity to see what competitors were doing and how they were innovating. There was zero curiosity on their part and therefore zero knowledge about what others were doing to innovate in the space. The lack of curiosity and knowledge about the very space people are trying to innovate in is pervasive. To that end, you read the elevator pitch of the wannabe next cool thing you have to wonder if the founders had any commonsense at all. Did they take the trouble to do a very basic Google search to "discover" prior art.  It seems that an average person without any subject matter expertise whatsoever could easily find that the "innovation" is not new or...

Bit of a long read but worthwhile about the behind the scenes of ransomware attacks . Interesting to learn about the origins of ransomware The father of ransomware was Harvard-educated anthropologist Joseph L. Popp Jr. While researching the theory that AIDS originated in green monkeys in East Africa, Popp in 1989 mailed more than 20,000 floppy disks about AIDS education to people interested in public health. When recipients ran the disk, their computers froze, and a message on the screen instructed them to send up to $378 to a post office box in Panama for a second disk that would restore their access.

Heard this nice TED talk on transition into motherhood . All teens don't go through adolescence in the same way. There is a wide range in how the cope with the changes that impact their body and emotions. While we may label one teen as more challenging than others, there is no stigma attached to the behavior - it is generally excused as part of the transition. Such is not the case with mothers. There is a societal expectation about how she should feel about her new baby.  The less she can fit that stereotype the more alienated and "abnormal" she feels. It is as if she were flawed and defective as a woman - unfit and unable to be a "good" mother. This feeling of inadequacy and confusion is not something she would find easy to share with friends and family for fear of judgement and shame. Often, such a woman will begin to overcompensate by ways that are detrimental to all the important relationships in her life - the child does not benefit from it either. It s...

Watched this video about child labor involved in mining mica which is provides glitter and glow in a lot of makeup products. Sometimes abstinence is not the best answer. Say companies used only synthetic mica in their products and consumers stopped using anything that could have child labor involved, it would not necessarily right the wrongs. It is just an easy way to to skirt responsibility.  Made me think of other areas in life where our knee-jerk reaction would be to cease and desist when we see ourselves as a contributor to a problem. It takes a lot more effort and courage to step in and create organic change. It will hardly be the perfect solution, there may be no big moral victory, some may even suffer more as a result of such direct intervention. Yet, in the end it is the more mature and responsible response to a problem where you are part of the cause. 

Could not agree more with this writer about how the elite colleges will not suffer reputation damage due to the recent admission scandal . It is best for all concerned to act like this is some type of freak-show going on in the sidelines and the system is generally sound and doing all the right things. Not unlike having a few clumps of weed in a manicured yard. You don't rip the yard up to solve the problem- just remove the weeds.  What came to light this year must have going on for a long time and is more wide-spread than we know now. Coming from India, scams associated with high-stakes college entrance exams is hardly surprising. People who have gone through the system, suspected it for the years before it made  headline news There may be other reasons why the mad rush to make it to one of these institutions has diminished over time in India - quality of education, more options, brand dilution with more seats being available and so on. It's unlikely that ...

The going rates back in the time J was being visited by tooth-fairy was $1 per tooth. Maybe I was a cheapskate but if the payout was egregiously low, I would have been advised of that. The friends were unlikely making a lot more than a buck. At the time, J had no idea what to do with that dollar or even where to keep it "safely". So it was more a symbolic thing and likely an ice-cream that was paid by the tooth-fairy dollar she had earned. This Delta Dental tooth-fairy poll of current rates paid by the tooth-fairy is an interesting one. The number is about four to five times higher now and in a very short period of time.  Much like Punxsutawney Phil’s Groundhog Day weather prognostication, the Original Tooth Fairy Poll has generally been a good barometer of the overall direction of the economy. In fact, for 14 of the past 17 years, the trend in average giving has tracked with the movement of the S&P 500. It seems that the numbers are creeping up in proportion to how ...

This article on how the presumption of cheerfulness  as a virtue is undoing America, makes for an interesting read. My favorite line was: The aorta of the US economy pumps out optimism, positivity and cheerfulness while various veins carry back US dollars naively invested in schemes designed to get rich quick, emotionally speaking. I was always uncomfortable by the superficial and insincere inquiry of how you are doing. The social contract in America is to not stress the person asking by dumping your problems on them. In return, they would keep it lite and cheerful even while on the edge of bankruptcy, terminal illness, loss of livelihood and more. You would both say "doing great!" and get on with your life.  I can count the number of times, when someone actually unburdened to me when I asked them how they are doing. It was an honor and privilege that they did and I have no doubt that they had to overcome fear of judgement and feel extremely vulnerable. These a...

There is reason to refer to the masters over and over in life - in my case both to learn how to live and perhaps to write. Read this line from Hemingway's Death in the Afternoon after decades and it makes that much more sense now   If a writer of prose knows enough of what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an ice-berg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water. A writer who omits things because he does not know them only makes hollow places in his writing. There are so many lessons to learn from those lines. Being minimal in prose is no different that being minimal in your expression in life. There is always one word too many and the gesture that goes from being graceful to superfluous. Maybe there is a time to listen and only listen there is no response needed. The dignified way of...

Watched Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf for the first time and it was a fantastic experience. Lot of relationships have the same explosive energy that lies latent. Taylor and Burton turn that into a kinetic thing that leaves a scalded feeling just from watching the two go after each other in a fight to the finish.  What other couples achieve in terms mutual destruction in a life time, these two accomplish in one evening. They shred each other to the bone, the marrow and even the soul. The fuel of mutual annihilation is fed with relentless barbs, put-downs, insults and worse. It is an old and unhappy marriage where the the boundaries of decorum have eroded over time until the couple acts like two caged animals who must kill or be killed.  I have seen people trapped in marriages not unlike this one. The hate is just as real but never erupts into full theatrical boil, instead of a brutal war of words they resort to actions that demean and slowly destroy each other's soul...