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Grasping Straws

This past birthday I received a Sennheiser Monoural UC Headset as a gift. There is a specific point to this particular choice. I refuse to use a hearing aid though I have very limited hearing from my left ear. To me that is a sign of succumbing to and accepting that my deafness is winning. The last time I saw a hearing doctor and she walked me through the graphs, I felt some despair but it did not diminish my desire to to be defiant. The good doctor was unable to persuade me to consider one of many concealed hearing aid option - so small that no one would notice. I would know and that was not going to work. A knows this about me and hence the gift. It is meant to give me the option to hear through my bad ear all day as I go from one call to the next. 

This way I would be providing aural stimulation to the ear that will likely die on a vine otherwise. Doctors have related this cognitive decline over time - and every time my hearing was measured, I was warned about this by the doctor. I love my gift because it gives me a chance to stay in this fight in my own way and not feel I had to throw in the towel - not quite as yet at least. I know many elderly people who are similarly defiant about getting help for their bad hearing. My father is one of them - and as much I as dislike that he makes it difficult for us to have a conversation by phone, I respect his desire not to be reminded constantly of his failing faculties and requiring to depend on things and people to get through the day. That could feel like a failure to a man who took pride is being there for family at all times, taking charge and being able to provide. It is not just about the loss of hearing - it is about loss of agency overall. 

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